Are you an approval junkie?

During my childhood, it was my father whose approval I sought.

As an adolescent, it became important to have the approval of my circle of friends.

When I married, I desperately wanted my husband’s approval.

And now that my son’s are grown, I find myself seeking their approval.

Of course, so many situations and individuals throughout my life have been the subject of my own approval seeking.


There are ALWAYS so many opportunities for Life Lessons.

Are you an approval junkie? Rav Ashlag, founder of The Kabbalah Centre, said that dependence on others’ approval to feel good is the seed of uncertainty, depression, and sadness. Make no mistake, approval-seeking is the greatest drug ever invented. Looking for other people’s energy to fill our emptiness gives us a temporary high and a lasting crash. For anyone thinking, “There really isn’t one person in my life who I’m hooked on getting approval from,” chances are you’re seeking approval from anyone and everyone.

We don’t need the human mind to recognize our greatness; it’s registered upstairs. If we are following our internal compass and doing good things, then we’re going to get good in return. The bottom line is this—the Light sees everything we do.

Kabbalists explain that the universal computer registers the good actions we do—but only after we have forgotten them. That is, the things we don’t have ego about and want recognition for. Remembering our positive actions and the fact that we did them means we’re still waiting for the praises to come back to us.

According to the Zohar, by drawing attention to our positive actions, we’re actually sucking the Light out of them and reducing the positive effects of our sharing. The highest form of sharing is done anonymously.

This week, practice stepping away from yourself and notice how many actions and words you use to get a fix of approval from other people. Every time we become conscious of relying on others for our sense of self-worth, we have a chance to increase our own feelings of self-worth.

From this week’s Kabbalah Tune Up by Yehuda Berg

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