2005 was a challenge…………. filled with emotional turmoil and tremendous joy – such is the nature of Life.
Made the decision to leave a company I had been with for 10 years for a new position at a competing company (April 2005). That is going well but it is a very challenging company to work for.
3 days before my 51st birthday and a day before I was scheduled to leave for a business trip to Washington D.C., the man I thought loved me since 1998 decided to end our relationship – out of the blue and without any discussion (coward that he is). It wasn't a good relationship and truth be known – I knew in my heart I could never spend my life with him – he was emotionally distant and unavailable, not very bright from an intellectual perspective and basically boring. However, it was also an “easy” relationship for me as it didn't require much emotionally. When emotional wounds go deep, sometimes it is hard to open your heart – truly open your heart – again. I never really had to open my heart to Steve so the relationship served it's purpose. I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow again – I never grew while we were together.
Matt has been home now over a year and while it's sometimes been a challenge for us all, I'm glad here's he. He challenges me to think and keeps things in perspective for me. I'm grateful for the man he's grown in to – sensitive and always striving for his dreams.
Ryan has done so much better this year – he's much more active in school and seems to be having a good senior year. He got his driver's license and has shown tremendous responsibility with the choices he's made. He's a sensitive, caring individual who has really grown a lot in the past year.
I'm VERY proud of both of them. It is a pleasure to be trusted to nurture their beautiful souls!
I also heard from a very dear, old friend this year (Neil). He and I were engaged when I was in my early 20's but for lots of reasons – we never married. Of course, this was before Mark and I married and I had my two beautiful sons. He went on to marry and has a son too. He's been separated since 1997 and is now in the process of divorcing. He's such a wonderful soul and I'm hopeful we'll always stay in touch now that we've reconnected.
I'm looking forward to 2006 with a hopeful attitude and a prayer that my heart will continue to heal and I can find TRUE love……………… again. I'm also praying that Matt will continue to pursue his dreams and that Ryan will graduate and move on to his chosen path in life – whatever that may be.
Happy New Year!