'Control' and 'Expectations'

There is a common theme running in my life right now and if I’ve learned anything, it’s to PAY ATTENTION when that happens. I’m paying attention!


We all like to be in control. Being in control gives us a sense of personal power and it is an important aspect to self-esteem. It can also be quite damaging to relationships of all kinds if that sense of personal power and need to be ‘in control’ extends to those we care for.

It seems to me that the greatest challenge in any relationship is unconditionally accepting the other for who they are. Not who you want or need them to be – just who they are.

In exploring the Kabbalah, I’ve learned a concept called “receiving for the sake of sharing”. Understanding this is helped by comparing it to another expression of giving. That is to give – time, energy, money, love, affection, wisdom, lessons – whatever the receiver wants. Compare this to asking for help and permitting the other person to give – doing this we end up actually helping them. Asking can be another way of giving.

Being in control in a relationship stems from an internal need. Injecting Love and Light into a relationship comes from the Soul. We all have issues and we all have to help each other go outside ourselves so our species can evolve and grow. If the Souls are meant to be together, the chemistry and the potential are there. Wisdom is recognizing the need to be in control when in a relationship with another versus the Soul’s purpose of bringing Love and Light. Letting go of the need to control fosters intimacy and can deepen the bond between Souls.


Comments are closed.