Trust – Perception

Okay. My stomach has hurt all day, every day, since last Thursday. My boss (Lyn) asked me today how I was doing and I told her I felt better after the weekend but that my stomach had hurt all day, every day since. She said that will go away once we get resolution on a new position. hmmmmmmm That sounds positive doesn't yet?

And yet, I can't help but wonder why:

1. On February 12th, after she shared a 3 year plan in a staff meeting that showed HO/BH going away, I asked her point blank during a special appointment I set up the next day – should I be looking for a job? Her very prompt response was “no” – even though she knew about all of this at that time.

2. When she had to tell me about this because they were going to announce it any day now last Thursday – she set up an “Important Meeting” with her, me, and her new boss – Frank – who's been there all of one month and who I've never met.

3. I arrive at the meeting last Thursday – and we wait for Frank – and he doesn't show up for 20 minutes so she takes me in his office and closes the door. She looked at me and said “this is one of the hardest things I've had to do and I came prepared”. She then brought out some Kleenux. As she proceeded to tell me, of course I started to tear up and cry. Now why in the hell would she want her new boss – who I have never met – to experience me for the first time in that situation, under those circumstances?????

4. She also emphasized numerous times in the conversation that I should go talk to Nancy in HR. I asked her specifically if it was to formalize my new position or “just to talk”. She said “just to have someone to talk to”.

Why? Why did she look me straight in the eye and lie about looking for a job after the staff meeting??? I get the feeling she's trying to cover her bases – like maybe she would be in trouble for answering my question about looking for a job with a “no” under the circumstances???? That's probably why she wanted her boss there when she told me – to be a witness to what was said??? I can't figure out why she would want him to meet me for the first time under those circumstances. It doesn't make any sense if she is serious about wanting me to get another job in the company. It does make sense if she's trying to cover her bases. I don't know.

All I know is I'm sick to my stomach, every day, all day, and it feels just like it did when Mark and I separated. The anxiety is overwhelming. Woke up at 2:45 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. ugh…… I never thought I would feel this way again……..

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