“Our relationships are merely just a balance of give and take. The ideal balance is complete, meaning 50/50, but most of our relationships aren’t balanced. We’re either giving or taking too much. And in some cases, it’s a natural imbalance. A child is bound to take more from their parent than they can give back. A student will take more from their teacher than they can give – but it’s supposed to be that way.
In most of our relationships, it’s a tug of war. Sometimes its 70/30, other times its 20/80. But the question is, how willing are we to let the imbalance persist? Are we consciously taking? Are we intentionally allowing someone to take from us?
We are way too quiet in this tug of war, because everything in our mind is relative (see last week’s tune up). We’ve made certain things acceptable and certain things unacceptable.
“I’m willing to take this kind of abuse from my boss but not from my coworker.”
“I’m really into this guy so I’ll take his condescension because I want the chance to be with him.”
So what’s really wrong with it, if eventually the abuse will result in reward?
Because we’re giving away our Light.
We’ll give our Light away and live in hell for 2 years for the chance of being happy in 5. I talk about this concept in more depth in the book “Spiritual Rules of Engagement”. But the long and short of the book and this week’s email is: We have to start taking control over our Light. We cannot allow other people or situations to make us happy, sad, fulfilled, or rejected.
Our energy needs to be independent of those people and things around us. Independence doesn’t mean we should live without parents, teachers, children friends or partners. In each of our relationships there will be one giver and one taker at any given moment. But in every moment, the roles of giver and taker have to change. There needs to be an effort to work towards that state of 50/50.
There are people in this world who go to work and their sole focus is to look good in front of their boss so they can get a promotion. Those people have given up their independence. When their boss gets fired, where is their Light? Gone. Where is their potential for growth? Gone. Out the door, with their boss, to whom they willingly gave over their Light.
You cannot base your success or goals on other people or situations. But you can be independent, own your energy, your Light, do whatever it takes in the position you’re in to get closer to the Light of the Creator, and care about other people. Everything else will fall into place.
Rav Ashlag, the greatest kabbalist of the last century, points out that we keep our physical house and possessions under lock and key, but our 99% possessions, our spiritual Light – we leave open, accessible and free for all to take. Its not necessarily a conscious decision – each time someone or something makes me happy or sad, I’m giving my Light away. No one and no thing should make me anything.
That’s not to say we should lock everyone out so no one can hurt us. We want to be independent, but not alone. Being independent means no one can hurt me. I have strength and I’m not afraid to be open with people and share with them. No matter what people do to me I will be ok. It may hurt, but it won’t scar because I own my Light.
This week, look for ways you’re giving your Light away. And look for ways you take from others’ Light. Be real. Be honest. And seek balance. It’s the month of Libra – let’s even out the scales.”
Each week I receive a “Weekly Kabbalah Tune Up” and without fail, the message is always pertinent to my life or the lives of those closest to me. This week’s message is worthy of documenting here.