{"id":1638,"date":"2012-03-03T22:33:07","date_gmt":"2012-03-04T06:33:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/shawnna.wordpress.com\/?p=1638"},"modified":"2012-03-11T03:14:03","modified_gmt":"2012-03-11T03:14:03","slug":"physical-pain-and-fear","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/?p=1638","title":{"rendered":"Physical pain and fear"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Been doing this journal thing now for 8 years.<\/p>\n<p>Things have sure changed in those years.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shawnna.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/woman-beach-time11.jpg?resize=300%2C201&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" title=\"Woman-Beach-Time\" width=\"300\" height=\"201\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-1644\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shawnna.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/woman-beach-time11.jpg?w=354&amp;ssl=1 354w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shawnna.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/woman-beach-time11.jpg?resize=300%2C201&amp;ssl=1 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I long for the serenity of the ocean.<\/p>\n<p>Physical pain seems to be a constant part of my life now.  Could be the recent hip surgery still mending but I don&#8217;t know.<\/p>\n<p>Fear seems to be a prevailing theme as well.<\/p>\n<p>Fear of losing the job I detest.  And yes, something is inherently wrong with just writing it, much less feeling that way.<\/p>\n<p>This house is an anchor that weighs me down more heavily with each passing year.  Had I known then what I know now, I would have never refinanced as it&#8217;s clear that is a problem that may not be fixable.<\/p>\n<p>My heart longs for authentic companionship and love and yet I can&#8217;t bring myself to move forward in that direction.  Is that fear too?<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shawnna.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/twohearts.gif?resize=59%2C45&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" title=\"twohearts\" width=\"59\" height=\"45\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-520\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Ryan has become my rock; I do hope I don&#8217;t become a burden to his beautiful Spirit.<\/p>\n<p><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/shawnna.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/03\/ryan-adult1.jpg?resize=194%2C187&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" title=\"ryan-adult\" width=\"194\" height=\"187\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-1642\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Been doing this journal thing now for 8 years. Things have sure changed in those years. I long for the serenity of the ocean. Physical pain seems to be a constant part of my life now. Could be the recent <span class=\"excerpt-dots\">&hellip;<\/span> <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/?p=1638\"><span class=\"more-msg\">Continue reading &rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1638"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1638\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1909,"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1638\/revisions\/1909"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/shawnna.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}