When you hear the words, “I love you” for the first time in a new relationship, it's easy to interpret the words to actually mean that the person loves who YOU are, what you feel, your personal integrity and character…the essence of you as a person. 

BUT, there can be a hidden or unconscious meaning to those words.  Sometimes, “I love you” means, “I love the way you make ME feel” — a completely different meaning than what you might have interpreted to begin with.

How do you know the difference?  Time is truly the only way to find out.   Get to know who the person REALLY is BEFORE committing your heart to the relationship.  Listen carefully to what they say, how they describe those they have “loved” in the past, what they truly value in life, how they relate to their family and their friends.  Keep your eyes open for obvious red flags – do they say one thing but do something completely different?  Actions do speak much louder than words.  

Observe what happens after the first argument, the first moment of tension, the first crisis in the relationship.  Can they acknowledge their own error and how it made you feel?  Can you do the same?  

It is so tempting to give in to the “chemistry” or the desire to connect with someone before you truly KNOW them.  Our soul longs to feel connected (and hormones play a role in this as well!).  

Understand what “love” means to you; be honest with yourself, as well as your partner, what you need and want from the relationship.  Listen carefully to what their needs/wants are.  

Authentic relationships are built on a foundation of trust – be open and honest but always with compassion.  Definitely not always easy but so important if you want a long-term loving connection with your partner.

Some people just leave a relationship and appear to move on to the next one almost immediately; no real discussion, no apparent regret, no tears, nothing.  Perhaps it is because their capacity for “love” was only viable as long as you made them feel valuable and good about themselves.  And when that subsided, so did the entire “relationship” (which, if you think about it, wasn't a true relationship in the first place). 

Wisdom can come at a very high emotional price.