Claudia told me yesterday when we chatted on the phone that she thinks I may be suffering from PTSD.

Interesting theory which I intend to dig further into.

I do know that ever since Ryan almost died in my arms June 2, 2011, I haven’t been the same.

I’m hyper-vigilant every second of every minute I’m home. I worry about every sound I hear and constantly ask Ryan if he’s OK.

When Ryan leaves, I feel incredibly stressful until I know that he arrived at his destination ok.

When I’m at work, every time my phone rings and it’s Ryan’s phone calling me, my body stiffens and I prepare for bad news.

I avoid personal relationships – and frankly, find them to be very taxing emotionally. I can’t even find the emotional strength to go to lunch with a co worker.

It’s just lunch……

I’ve wondered for a while why my life seems to have changed so much. I need to figure out what to do now.