Ego… The Relationship Killer

God… Needing someone is the fastest way to kill a relationship.

Walsch… But we all like to feel needed.

God… Then stop it. Like to feel unneeded instead – for the greatest gift you can give someone is the strength and the power not to need you, to need you for nothing

Given to Neale Donald Walsch… by God

Conversations with God Book 2

The ego. It lives deep inside your mind and it thrives on fear, judgment, jealousy, hatred, anger, bitterness, lack of forgiveness, control, expectations, doubt, separation, limitation and many other negative thoughts and emotions.

The ego does have a useful place in our minds. Before we lost our way on planet Earth ages and ages ago, our ego, in rightful balance with the rest of our minds, was responsible for keeping us out of harms way. However, after the Fall of mankind, it grew way out of proportion to its normal size and now dominates our fear-based thinking and choices. During our journey of self-perfection here on planet Earth, our goal is to return the ego to its normal influence over us.

The ego, which is famous for making judgments about others, is also the root source of most failed relationships, especially the romantic kind. And, because of the guilt it can inspire, it also hinders us from understanding that sexuality can be sacred.

The Spirit, Bartholomew, has some very insightful things to say about the ego and relationships. His words and insights are much better than mine so I’ll let him speak for himself…

“When we begin to discuss deep, personal relationships, we are led to talk about unconditional love; because that is the eventual goal.

Many of you feel this kind of deep love is beyond your reach until you ‘fix’ yourself and your life…

That will never happen… you will never be fully content with yourself and your life when you view it through the ego

Your ego would like you to believe love is complicated

You have all had moments where you experienced deep love… those moments are difficult to maintain when they are shattered by the arrival of perceived differences, feelings of superiority, judgment, inferiority and separation

With the arrival of separation, the feeling of love seems to disappear… what has happened to that feeling?

Let’s say you meet someone and find yourself enchanted by this person… deep within you something moves… you feel, not just excitement, but a sense of being comfortable, of being safe of being in the presence of something so important and so special that you find yourself willing to share your life with the person you think gives you those feelings

When you meet someone whose energy field moves you in such a way, some aspect of your soul, the God-part of you responds

In those early days, weeks and months of the relationship that feeling is built upon

Here is a person you can share everything with… who, from the depths of their being, shares who they are with you

In the presence of each other, you both find yourselves more forgiving… things that would, in the past, agitate you terribly fade into the background

When you have this love in your heart you become more allowing, more understanding, more loveable yourself… these are truly magic moments

This coming together is a moment of recognition, when the possibility arises that there may be one person who will find enough value in you to stay steady in your life thereby, giving you the opportunity to find out who you really are

Then one day, perhaps without even knowing where it comes from, there arises in your mind a judgment

‘Hmmm,’ says the lover about the beloved, ‘I don’t think I like what is happening… I think it might be a little uncomfortable to live with that characteristic for the rest of my life’

At this point nothing is said; but the moment that first small judgment comes in, you begin a process that you may be stuck with for the rest of your relationship

The process is… judgment leads to doubt, which leads to more judgment, which then accumulates over the years

Of course, the other person is in the same process so at the very earliest stages, this separation begins to arise, and it will continue if nothing comes to break the pattern

At the start of the relationship, when the soul began to move toward a partnership of deep union, that yearning was so powerful it was able to silence this judgmental little voice

But the little voice (ego) is speaking quietly in the background all the time, whispering things like, ‘He or she didn’t do it right, didn’t do it quickly enough; or My beliefs, or family or background are just a little more ‘right’ than his or hers’

When this powerful, new love energy wells up, the small, insistent, nagging ego-voice seems to cease… remember this, because this is where your hope lies

It is possible to begin to silence the ego by getting in touch with how you felt when love first sprang up in your heart

Most people, however, try to find another person to feel this with instead of trying to find what once was.”

I could go on for quite some time with Bartholomew’s wisdom on relationships and the role that ego plays in weakening them. Quite frankly, I’ve just touched the surface on the advice he offers.

In essence, what he is saying is that there is a real purpose behind relationships, especially the romantic kind. That is, in the early stages of romance, we love every thing and every one. All is sacred. We are patient, tolerant, accepting of the other’s faults, forgiving and understanding, gentler, kinder, giving, joyful and we become so lovable ourselves.

This is the divine goal of romance; to bring us to an understanding of unconditional love and then being it. Why? Because that is who we really are, Beings of Light, who have forgotten our divine heritage.

In the process of being unconditional love, the ego slowly recedes into its rightful place within our minds and we awaken more and more to God-centeredness and our true spiritual nature. Then we are free as we were a long, long time ago.