For almost ten years out of the last twenty of my life, I engaged in a path of formal spiritual direction. What that means is that at least weekly, I spent time with My Spiritual Director. In addition to that website, here’s her Soul Nurture website.

The focus of our time together was typically how God/dess/Light/Love/Buddah/Universe/Spirit was being revealed within my Life. Oh, it wasn’t something I was conscious of at the moment, but through the course of our typical 1.5 to 2 hour chat, I walked away with a profound understanding of what I didn’t know!

It wasn’t always easy – in fact – it was sometimes quite painful.

Abandonment is one of the deepest wounds to the Soul.

I have been blessed – all of my Life – with a profound mystical understanding of the Eternal. Integrating this with my mortal path was needed.

My path leading to ten years of Spiritual Direction was what I would call a long and winding road. Growing up, my mother was from a Mormon family (note I did NOT say my mother was Mormon!) and my father was Roman Catholic.

When I was a few months old, my father snuck me out of the house to be baptized at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Los Angeles. When my parents divorced when I was eight, the Mormons came to pick us (me, my now-deceased brother and sister) up to go to what was called “Primary” on Tuesday evenings and then on Sundays we’d go to the Mormon church for a few hours.

I do recall though that when I first heard the story of Joseph Smith (founder of the Mormon church) and his Golden Books, I thought it was a load a crap.

Fortunately for all involved, we only lived with my mom for about six months after the divorce. My father realized that my mother was not providing us with a lot of real parenting so he convinced my mother that we should live with him.

And now that we were living with my father, we went to Holy Trinity Catholic Church in Los Angeles every Sunday. This was at a time when the Mass was still done in Latin and the alter was turned away from those in attendance. The priest, FA. Kennedy, was funny. He may have had a bit of a drinking problem and with his Irish accent, he would always make us laugh. Instead of “The Lord Be With You”, when he said it, it came out “The Lord Bewitch You”.

It was surreal for my mystical Soul. I finally felt ‘home’ spiritually. I was nine at this time. And then the requirement to go to Confession on Wednesdays before Mass on Sundays came along. I found myself making stuff up because I couldn’t think of anything I’d done that was so bad (fighting with my brother & sister were always big topics).

Of course, as my intellect developed, I began to question – everything. Drove my father crazy and of course, led to my abandonment of the Catholic Church. My best friend attended a protestant church so I went with her. They had a wonderful youth group which we joined and when I was sixteen, I attended a Billy Graham service during which I responded to his call to “accept the Lord as my personal Savior”. My deepest prayer at this time of my life was for healing for my brother (who ultimately died when I was 24). At any rate, I spent the next year or so trying to convert everyone who came within ten feet. I was pretty difficult to be around if you didn’t share my ‘faith’ as it was being expressed at this time of my life.

Fortunately for all around me this phase of my Spiritual Path didn’t last too long.

I married my husband in the Episcopal Church (which to me, was junior varsity Roman Catholic) as the liturgy and ‘presentation’ are very similar to the RC mass. This is the denomination both of my sons were baptized in and it is the Church I chose to engage when we divorced and I landed in the Seattle area.

I joined St. Margaret’s Episcopal Church in Bellevue, WA just after moving to the Seattle area. I spent quite a bit of time exploring my faith during this time. After all, my life had fallen apart and I needed to understand what it all meant. I participated in a program called “Education for Ministry” and contemplated becoming an Episcopal priest (woman were welcome dontcha know!). It was during this time of contemplation that the rector of St. Margaret’s suggested Spiritual Direction and introduced me to Claudia.

Claudia and Patricia use to come to St. Margaret’s dressed as nuns. Claudia would sometimes play the harp during mass. I was deeply intrigued with their obvious connection to the Source.

And so began the ten years of Spiritual Direction. Each week, I would go to their home after work. A warm cup of tea was always waiting and the Love experienced in this environment was profound. We always began our time together just catching up. The initial focus in the first few months was my thought of entering the priesthood. This quickly faded once I realized that that institutional environment was NOT where I could most readily live my Purpose. For it was during this time that I truly discovered my Purpose in Life.

Reflect Love (aka God/dess/Light/Spirit/Universe)

For indeed the Spirit of God/dess/Light/Love/Universe is within us (some call this the Soul) and I knew my purpose was to reflect that to all within my sphere of influence. This is my Purpose.

I have not always lived true to this Purpose – I am only human – but it is what ultimately guides my choices.

And it was during this ten years of Spiritual Direction that I explored what it meant to live my Purpose. I have explored numerous religious institutions and to this day, I have no religious affiliation whatsoever. The institutional church environment leaves me cold.

And I have not been in formal Spiritual Direction for a few years now. Circumstances change and our paths went different directions. I realize now the profound impact that ten years had my own Journey – and the lives of my two sons – who benefited most from my deepening my connection to the Source.

In recent exploration of other Spiritual paths, I see Love in all. There is no one Path that is right. All Paths followed with purity of intent lead to God/dess/Love/Light/Spirit/Universe.

Mine is a mystical knowing which cannot be explained. It is a path that has led me to live a solitary life for the last three years.

After experiencing relationships where my Purpose was not shared – as a way of settling for a relationship in lieu of being alone – I have now promised myself I will never, ever settle again.

Any relationship in the future must involve a Soul on a similar path with a similar Purpose. It is the only way for me to feel that I am living my Purpose. The best explanation of what I mean by this is here

…………….we enter relationships because we are seeking God. What does that mean? It all starts with the soul. Your soul. That part of you that is a portion or fragment of All That Is. Being part of God, the soul knows everything there is to know. It has all the knowledge it needs.

“When we begin to dis
cuss deep, personal relationships, we are led to talk about unconditional love; because that is the eventual goal. And unconditional love cannot be experienced without help from the Source itself. With that help, it is possible one day to realize you have left possessive, dependent love behind.”

The last line is very important to me….. I am not going to ever settle again for possessive, dependent love.