To think you know someone is the epitome of arrogance. I’ve learned that the hard way.

“Claudia” (known professionally as “Pheo Rose Martin”; born Claudia A. Coville) was my spiritual director for many years. I became acquainted with her when we were both attending St. Margaret’s Episcopal Church in Bellevue, WA in the 1990s.  I loved her deeply and she helped me grow so much spiritually.

Here’s a photo from 2012 (Claudia is on the right; her roommate who was also a former nun is on the left):

Eventually I thought we became friends. I say “I thought” because it is now clear that she was never a friend.

Here’s a little bit of information about her background.  She was a Roman Catholic nun. She quit and entered into a small community with another former nun (pictured above) and was doing spiritual direction. She struggled financially and tried to build a business writing, making music, photography, teaching, and creating dietary supplements.

Eventually she began doing spiritual direction for a woman dying of cancer (Margaret Rothschild Heidorn). Within weeks of the woman dying, she started dating the woman’s very wealthy husband (George Heidorn, formerly with Microsoft). Within 8 months they were married. I was beyond shocked, to say the least. I never imagined Claudia would marry; much less do so simply because her life had become a challenge financially. She stopped communicating with me shortly after that. When I shared how hurt it felt to be simply cut off, she apologized and said she needed 2016 to ‘recover’ (she said she was physically depleted).

I sent her a Christmas card in December of 2016 with a simple Christmas greeting and in early January 2017, she sent me an email telling me to not bother sending one again.

At first I was devastated; I trusted and loved her.

I was OK to be friends with when she was struggling financially, but now that she married into a significant amount of money, she doesn’t have the time or energy to maintain what was supposed to be a friendship.

I’ve learned a lot through this – judge people by their actions, not their empty words.

Hard lesson to learn; very, very hard.