I’m wondering what happened to me. I know I need to move on professionally. For whatever reason, I haven’t.

There was a time in my life when I just did what had to be done.

I left an abusive home at 16. Supported myself until I married at 26. Divorcing at 33, I moved back to CA and reentered the job market after having been out of it for more than 5 years.

Single, with two very young children, only a few college credits under my belt, I realized very quickly that California wasn’t going to be a good place to raise my sons. So I bought a new car, sold my condo, quit my job and moved to Seattle after having been offered an opportunity to rent a friend’s house.

Yes – in that order.

I had no family in Seattle, no job, two very young sons and $12K in the bank. I was absolutely fearless.

I found a job within 3 months and have moved steadily forward in both professional responsibility and salary in the health care administration and financing industry.

I have learned so much about our country’s health care ‘system’.

I have learned more about myself.

I now find myself in an intense internal struggle.

The company I work for professes to be committed to the community and to transforming health care – but their actions do not reflect their words.

How do I reconcile my personal need to make a difference within an environment where the leaders are not focused on their professed Cause? Their egos drive their decisions. There is no long-term strategic thinking or planning.

So much potential…..

Why can’t I bring myself to just walk away? I’m positive I could survive financially long enough to find other work.

What has happened to my courage?