Once again my weekly Kabbalah tune up hits the mark.

When we do our spiritual work — sharing, transforming ourselves, sharing again — many times we have the chance to help others become stronger and more successful. It’s important to remember that even if they don’t attribute their growth or success to our contribution, it doesn’t mean we have not been successful.

We often wait for the thanks, the credit, the acknowledgment of our participation in the process. Unfortunately, the more we wait, and the more we wait, the more we actually lose it.

We get confused about what is ours and what isn’t ours. Whether it’s with our career, our friends, our family, when we feel like it’s mine, we begin to lose. If you look at true success, it comes without attachment. It needs to be less important how others view our contribution and more important how the universe takes it into account.

The more attachment we have, the less we actually gain. The more control we want, the less we actually end up controlling. When we let go — not just abdicate responsibility but act as a true leader where the second and third tiers beneath us have leeway — there is so much more we can do and accomplish.

Letting go requires gaining more trust in the Creator. To know that you can reach more people and share more if you micromanage less and dominate less — it’s not an easy concept to implement. It demands a change of consciousness.

Great leadership comes with trust and with giving over responsibility — that power to the people behind or under you. The more successful we want to be, the more we need to find a way to share some of that pressure and control with the people underneath us, and encourage them to do the same with those under them and so on.

The universe works in such a way that a bit of everything we have and we work on cannot be for us; enjoyed by us, benefited by us, used by us. Trying to hold onto everything only makes things smaller.

Nothing is all ours. The universe is anyways going to teach us that the hard way, if we don’t get it on our own. And for those people — children, friends, family, co-workers — who we know we can influence for the better – how do we insure that the lessons they receive will be good ones? The more we let go, and don’t try to completely control — the more the universe will supplement their learning process.

How can we insure the experience or lesson is what they need to get? By not trying to control everything. The universe and others will teach them, in the same precise way the universe teaches us.

So for this week, practice no attachment. No control. Let everybody else enjoy from the fruits. When you plant one seed, 100 people can enjoy the fruits, so don’t try to hold onto all of them.

This lesson of ‘letting go’ so the Universe and others will teach is my Advent focus this year. Letting go – especially of my oldest who is now experiencing his own Life Lessons – is a lot harder than it seems.

May all experience similar ‘aha moments’ as we embrace this wondrous time of the spiritual year.

Life has changed ……….. again ………

Matt is in California and will come home for a couple of days around Christmas. I miss him so much. His depth of Spirit has always been so challenging…. and so inspiring.

I’ve always walked to the beat of my own drum.

And for a long time now, our family’s Thanksgiving has been unique.

I don’t cook very often any more – never really enjoyed cooking that much.

Ryan’s Thanksgiving wish is for me to cook. And since he hates turkey and loves my tuna casserole, we are going to have tuna casserole and maybe see a movie.

The ebb and flow of Life continues…..

I need to figure out how to get out of this regular thing where I get very down-in-the-dumps on Sunday evening.

I know it is because of how I feel about my job. How do I change my attitude about that completely?

And yea…. I know I tell Matt all the time that “it’s your attitude” but truly, how does one go about changing that?

“Our relationships are merely just a balance of give and take. The ideal balance is complete, meaning 50/50, but most of our relationships aren’t balanced. We’re either giving or taking too much. And in some cases, it’s a natural imbalance. A child is bound to take more from their parent than they can give back. A student will take more from their teacher than they can give – but it’s supposed to be that way.

{snip}

In most of our relationships, it’s a tug of war. Sometimes its 70/30, other times its 20/80. But the question is, how willing are we to let the imbalance persist? Are we consciously taking? Are we intentionally allowing someone to take from us?

We are way too quiet in this tug of war, because everything in our mind is relative (see last week’s tune up). We’ve made certain things acceptable and certain things unacceptable.

“I’m willing to take this kind of abuse from my boss but not from my coworker.”

“I’m really into this guy so I’ll take his condescension because I want the chance to be with him.”

So what’s really wrong with it, if eventually the abuse will result in reward?

Because we’re giving away our Light.

We’ll give our Light away and live in hell for 2 years for the chance of being happy in 5. I talk about this concept in more depth in the book “Spiritual Rules of Engagement”. But the long and short of the book and this week’s email is: We have to start taking control over our Light. We cannot allow other people or situations to make us happy, sad, fulfilled, or rejected.

Our energy needs to be independent of those people and things around us. Independence doesn’t mean we should live without parents, teachers, children friends or partners. In each of our relationships there will be one giver and one taker at any given moment. But in every moment, the roles of giver and taker have to change. There needs to be an effort to work towards that state of 50/50.

There are people in this world who go to work and their sole focus is to look good in front of their boss so they can get a promotion. Those people have given up their independence. When their boss gets fired, where is their Light? Gone. Where is their potential for growth? Gone. Out the door, with their boss, to whom they willingly gave over their Light.

You cannot base your success or goals on other people or situations. But you can be independent, own your energy, your Light, do whatever it takes in the position you’re in to get closer to the Light of the Creator, and care about other people. Everything else will fall into place.

Rav Ashlag, the greatest kabbalist of the last century, points out that we keep our physical house and possessions under lock and key, but our 99% possessions, our spiritual Light – we leave open, accessible and free for all to take. Its not necessarily a conscious decision – each time someone or something makes me happy or sad, I’m giving my Light away. No one and no thing should make me anything.

That’s not to say we should lock everyone out so no one can hurt us. We want to be independent, but not alone. Being independent means no one can hurt me. I have strength and I’m not afraid to be open with people and share with them. No matter what people do to me I will be ok. It may hurt, but it won’t scar because I own my Light.

This week, look for ways you’re giving your Light away. And look for ways you take from others’ Light. Be real. Be honest. And seek balance. It’s the month of Libra – let’s even out the scales.”

Each week I receive a “Weekly Kabbalah Tune Up” and without fail, the message is always pertinent to my life or the lives of those closest to me. This week’s message is worthy of documenting here.

Blessings always.

“We cannot know for certain how long we have here. We cannot foresee the trials or misfortunes that will test us along the way. We cannot know what God’s plan is for us.

What we can do is to live out our lives as best we can with purpose, and with love, and with joy. We can use each day to show those who are closest to us how much we care about them, and treat others with the kindness and respect that we wish for ourselves. We can learn from our mistakes and grow from our failures. And we can strive at all costs to make a better world, so that someday, if we are blessed with the chance to look back on our time here, we know that we spent it well; that we made a difference; that our fleeting presence had a lasting impact on the lives of others. ”

President Barack Obama – Senator Edward M. Kennedy’s eulogy today