Mother's Day – 2009

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Prior to becoming a mother, Mother’s Day was tough for me.

The Mother’s Day cards available described a mother I never knew – and yet longed for at the very core of my being.

After one miserable Mother’s Day when I sent my mom a beautiful azalea plant and was told to just send the money next time, I let go. And letting go of the need to fulfill society’s expectations of a daughter toward her mother was the best gift I gave myself.

This year, Ryan took me to see Star Trek and Matt bought me dinner. They are wonderful sons and I’m deeply blessed to have nurtured their beautiful souls.

I hope they never remember Mother’s Day the way I did for so long.

Thank you Matt and Ryan! I love you both more than you’ll ever know.

Beautiful spring weekend….

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There’s something about the sun.

It brings out an energy in me that is so wonderful to feel.

Am sanding the teak patio furniture again. I’ve got to build a shed to store it in during the winter.

Fighting with Matt too. It’s so depressing….. he seems to hate me something fierce.

*sigh*

John Joseph Connolly – my father

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Today is my father’s birthday.

With all of his faults – and he had many – he was my father.

It wasn’t until I could see him without the ‘fantasy father’ filter our society instills that I could forgive him.

Forgive him for hurting me emotionally, and physically,

And yes – those wounds go deep. Parental hurt is the worst kind.

Rising above my own parenting took at least 40 years.

I hope Matt and Ryan will one day forgive me for their parental wounds – and I hope it doesn’t take them 40 years.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

John Joseph Connolly and Shawnna Lynne Connolly - late 1970's

My Ego

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This is going to be the year where I am forced to come to terms with my own ego.

Two potential career opportunities fell through – before I even had a chance to interview.

Obviously my current situation is where I’m meant to learn the most.

Humility is always a good thing.

Hope and the Healing Power of Solitude

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The transition of power in this country is something to behold.

As we move out from under the worst President in my memory, we embrace hope – the greatest hope we’ve felt since the early 1960’s. I can feel it in my bones that, at some level, we all feel hopeful.

On this momentous day, I’m home sick – again. Bronchitis and strep throat have taken a severe toll. I sometimes wonder if anyone would notice if I just slipped away.

Loneliness is taking it’s toll as well.

It is not the same kind of loneliness I imagined I’d feel as I truly enjoy my own company and relish the solitude. Solitude is soul nurturing.

It is a spiritual loneliness torturing my mortality now. Many souls have crossed my path, many have connected in a profound, yet temporary way.

Some would say it is me who drives others away – that has been true.

This time of soul nurturing solitude is required if I am to heal. So be it.

Looking ahead to 2009

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As I look ahead to this new year, what I see is change. Lots and lots of change.

Not sure what that means but I know the internal feeling I have.

My son gave me ‘Sicko’ for Christmas. I hadn’t watched it before, primarily because the problems with our health care ‘system’ require a more in depth look than Michael Moore generally brings to the table. But I have to be honest and say it made me think even more deeply about the ills within our system. For that, I’m always grateful.

And if you’ve noticed a change in my blog – it’s because I’ve had to do some editing of what’s ‘public’ versus ‘private’. A new ‘blog policy’ where I am currently employed required me to revisit certain type of entries.

Nuff said.

Here’s to a new year of transitions! May you all bring peace and compassion to a world in desperate need.

compassion

PS – have a nasty flu bug now. Ugh……

United States of America – a day to remember

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Today we elected Barack Obama our President. WE elected him.

As I listened to his speech, the tears began to flow.

Tears of sorrow – for a time I remember so vividly. A time when this nation – filled with so much hope – elected another young man who made history by being elected President – despite his religion. John F. Kennedy was Roman Catholic.

Tears of relief – after living through eight years of George W. Bush – the most incompetent President we’ve ever had.

Tears of joy for the power hope can bring to a people.

I’m deeply proud of our nation at this moment. To elect a black man as President, in a country founded on the backs of black slaves, in a country that fought itself over slavery – gives me hope for not only our nation – but humanity as a whole.

A miracle long in the making.

Medical diagnosis – Getting The Ultimate Second Opinion

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I rarely post something someone else wrote verbatim but…. given what I’ve learned about the health care industry in the US, this is very important information.

Dr. Alan Hamilton is an accomplished neurosurgeon and author.

allanhamiltonbiopic

Here’s a link to the book on Amazon.

The Scalpel and the Soul: Encounters with Surgery, the Supernatural, and the Healing Power of Hope

Now when a neurosurgeon posts information on his blog about how to obtain the best possible medical care in the US – I have to share this vitally important information!

Getting The Ultimate Second Opinion

Monday, November 3, 2008, 11:57 AM

Every week I receive calls from patients desperate to find a second opinion. They’ve been told there’s nothing to do. Or there’s only one thing to do. Whatever they have heard, they are not getting a comprehensive picture. They are not getting the ultimate consultation and second opinion.

Every patient with a serious health issue deserves to have a panel of expert sub-specialists. It’s like having a case debated in front of a jury. All the arguments are put forward. The evidence is looked at from every angle. Every doubt must be raised. Every conclusion questioned.

So what should a patient or family do? Gather up the basics of your file. All the notes and tests from your doctor. Have the Radiology Department make a copy of all your pertinent scans and x-rays on a CD-Rom. Get on the Internet. Find the best physicians, surgeons, and hospitals in the country. The best docs are listed every year in “Best Doctors in America.” Local or regional magazines publish a special issue featuring the chosen doctors each year. (There are higher advertising revenues from medical practitioners for that issue). Likewise, look up the nation’s Top One Hundred Hospitals released every year by U.S. News and World Reports. Look for the hospital listed that is in your vicinity. Then look up the appropriate specialties.

Say you have a breast cancer. Find the best cancer center. The best oncologist. The best radiation therapist. The best breast surgeon. Call their offices. Let them know you’re sending your case in for a review. Make a real connection to someone in the office. Remember it’s the “little folks” who really run the world. The secretaries, receptionists, and the patient care technicians. Every one of them—any one of them–can hold the key. Treat them as the most important people in your life because they may well be. Put your entire case onto a single CD-ROM. Package it up. Say a prayer and ship it out. Then follow up. Call in a few days. E-mail. Send faxes. Just pursue. It’s your life, or that of someone you love, that may be on the line.

American’s health plans should encourage you to seek the ultimate second opinion, the one you deserve.

More Resources for Finding the Best:

Thomson Rueters Top Hospitals

Castle Connolly Medical “America’s Top Doctors” listing top doctors and hospitals in the country

Women’s Health Magazine America’s Top Doctors For Women
See our list of the top M.D.s in the country… in the specialties most crucial to you.

Men’s Health magazine America’s Top Doctors for Men

National Cancer Institute
How To Find a Doctor or Treatment Facility If You Have Cancer