Been doing this journal thing now for 8 years.

Things have sure changed in those years.

I long for the serenity of the ocean.

Physical pain seems to be a constant part of my life now. Could be the recent hip surgery still mending but I don’t know.

Fear seems to be a prevailing theme as well.

Fear of losing the job I detest. And yes, something is inherently wrong with just writing it, much less feeling that way.

This house is an anchor that weighs me down more heavily with each passing year. Had I known then what I know now, I would have never refinanced as it’s clear that is a problem that may not be fixable.

My heart longs for authentic companionship and love and yet I can’t bring myself to move forward in that direction. Is that fear too?

Ryan has become my rock; I do hope I don’t become a burden to his beautiful Spirit.